2010-06-04 - Stop in the Name of the Earth!
From JLU MUX
| The information contained within this log is to be considered information gained Out of Character (OOC) . This information may not be used as In Character (IC) knowledge or in roleplay unless it has been learned in-game or permission has been granted by the parties involved. Questions should be directed to staff. |
| Stop in the Name of the Earth! | |||
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| Summary: Giganta's scheme to make the Flash give her an exhibit in his Museum is thwarted by an alien invasion! | |||
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Central City! Jewel of the Midwest. Detroit without the decay. Nearly three million people live, work, and contribute to the economy here in this sun-swept island of civilization in the midst of the Great Plains, sitting astride the mighty Mississippi river. Central City is also home to The Flash Museum, dedicated to its greatest hero of the same name, and his likeness is everywhere, on T-shirts, advertising, and the various satellite heroes spon off from the original, standing in the shadow of the original Scarlet Speedster.
Rather more literally standing in that shadow is Giganta, clad in sunglasses, trench coat, trendy hat tilted at a rakish angle, taking a camera-photo of the Flash statue in front of the Flash museum. "Say cheese, do-gooder!" she murmurs with a snicker. *CLICK-FWASH* In between assignments from Luthor she's decided to play a little bit at being a tourist, and in another hand she's carrying a bag full of free souvenirs from the Central City Vintage Auto Museum and the Roller Hockey Hall of Fame. Pulling her arm back, she tilts her head back and forth, studying the picture. "Hm. I wonder if I'll ever get a museum...."
Meanwhile, just a few doors down, mild-mannered (scratch) limbo champion and police scientist Wally West is enjoying a hot-dog from a local hot-dog cart. As this is a town built on speed, there's no question about just why this hot-dog cart is labeled 'FLASH FRANKS,' supplying the fastest wieners around to a city on the go! There is also a little stripe of mustard in a familiar zig-zag lightning bolt design on the dog.
"Mmp," Wally murmurs as he chews down a mouthful. He stands on the corner, glancing around as he plays easy-going bystander to the every-day goings-on of the city. It's (relatively) quiet and a man who wears red pajamas cannot help but feel proud about that. This is his city, after all, and he is their scarlet champion. Well. Okay. He shares the city with several other people, not to mention those jerk-bag Rogues who will occasionally do something nice when some bigger jerk comes around to threaten their claim. It's a complex relationship, okay!
As he enjoys his lunch break, Wally cannot help but notice the lady in a trendy hat. She seems a bit tall, or maybe that's just the shadow she stands in. Hm! He thinks to himself as he takes another bite of his hotdog. What a neat hat!
It is a neat hat, indeed! And tilted at a rakish angle. And whether it is the comparative warmth the hat provides or sheer EVIL GENIUS, all of a sudden she gets... an IDEA. *DING* goes the metaphorical lightbulb in her head. All these super-villains have statues and mock-ups and dioramas in the Flash Museum - if she committed a super-crime in Central City, she'd qualify for a museum exhibit too! "He~ey...!" Looking around from side to side, trying to cast an appraising eye like Luthor would on the surrounding environment, she attempts to formulate a villainous master plan in her head.
With a graceful whirl and a narrowed eye, her gaze alights ... upon a nearby hot dog stand, 'FLASH FRANKS', with a mild mannered hot dog vendor and his hot dog customer, blissfully unaware of the epic dangerousness that is about to unfold on their unwitting selves! "Hah!" Giganta says to herself, drawing herself up to full height and striding purposefully to the inoffensive hot dog cart. "I'm going to... to do SOMETHING with that hot dog cart!" She nods her head. "I don't know what yet. I'll figure it out when I get there! It'll be all the more awesome because it's spontaneous!" With purpose in her heart and dreams of a museum exhibit in her head, her fists clench with villainous intent!
Wally nudges the last bit of bun-wrapped hot-dog into his mouth, his cheeks bulging with fullness. He chews away, working those excellent jaw muscles into an expert chew. A quick check of the time to see how much he has until having to return to work, he seems to be oblivious to the sudden horrified screams that have begun to proliferate across the block. These are the kinds of reactions a woman who grows to titanic proportions receives.
Well, from most people.
The ground begins to jump and Wally along with it. He blinks once. "Huh. That's /odd/.." Then it happens again, prompting our limber limbo l'champion to lift his his eyes up from his watch and look around. "What in the..." he wonders, before those eyes land on some super-sized she-shin. "Hm!" Wally muses aloud, his lips shifting to the side in thought. "Boy, that looks familiar.. really famil---"
Tilt head up.
Pan camera and...
"/Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy/!" Wally gulps, eyes wide with surprise. He then kind of cocks his head to the side, "...that sure is a neat hat."
Giganta does the whole production. Stomping toward the hot dog stand, whipping off her trench coat. Off goes her scarf, sunglasses, and down goes her free swag from the Roller Hockey Hall of Fame and the Museum of Vintage Automobiles! ... Which she then picks up and finds a safe place for behind a park bench. It's free swag after all.
And then she's BACK UP AGAIN, clad in her revealing yet tasteful work uniform, growing in size as people flee in terror, and the hot dog vendor's cigarette falls into his hot dog tank! "Ha ha ha!" she declares, now over 20 feet tall, kicking over a parked car completely gratuitously. A finger raises as she's about to make a villainous declaration of intent, no doubt casting FEAR and TERROR into the hearts and minds of Central Citians!
And then Wally compliments her hat. "Huh?" she mumbles, blinking down at him, eyes crossing slightly, before she reaches up to discover that said hat still adorns her massive head. "OH!" she blurts, pulling the hat off between two fingers. "Yeah, um... well thanks! I really thought it matched my eyes and um... Oh!" Her hand goes to her mouth. "I got distracted." She puts the hat on a nearby building ledge and makes a mental note not to knock down that building, as it is a very nice hat. "Now then," she says, turning back to the hot dog cart, TOWERING over it, raising a finger to utter what will no doubt be FEAR and TERROR and etc., ensuring her a spot in the Flash Museum FOREVER...
And that's when aliens invade.
CRASHING OUT OF THE SKY, parting the clouds like Moses and the Red Sea, a GIANT MAMMOTH MONSTER SPACE DREADNOUGHT roars down out of the sky above Central City, lights flashing, thrusters roaring, magnetic impellers going 'VRRRRRRNNNNN' and generally making a fantastic ruckus, completely drowning out Giganta as she waves her finger, swings her arms and otherwise gesticulates wildly in a magnificent pronouncement of mayhem that will be forever lost to history, until of course, blinking, she turns around and stares up. Mouth dropping open. Then she says something else a little more crude but it's drowned out as well.
Villainy can be such a challenging profession. You have to come up with a really cool name that can catch on in the papers. You need a sharp ensamble to wear and a power that isn't completely ridiculous. Then, you've got to go through all this trouble to have a solid M.O. that will enable you to feel confident and powerful while you're proclaiming doom on the head of the hero you've sworn to destroy.
It's a lot of work and not everyone is cut out for it. God forbid one of those big-deal national or global-level threats horns in on your territory. That's why the Flash tries to support local villainy. Really, it's just the decent thing to do.
Pretty. Easily distracted. Check, Wally says as he jots down the mental calculus. You support your local villains by knowing things about them. Honest.
Giganta towers over him, finger raised in the air. Then she starts talking, laying out a rant that will go down in history as the most impassioned, inspired exposition on the flaws of law, order, truth, peace, and possibly even puppies. Good heavens!
Only, Wally cannot hear her. There is a giant freaking spaceship descending from the clouds. He shakes his head at her, lifting his arms in question. I can't hear you! he mouths, as the sounds are completely muffled out by the much much louder spacecraft. He waves his arms in the air frantically at her, then points to his ears in the hopes that she'll get it. Boy, she looks totally into it. Then, wait, she turns her head. Phew! She got it!
Phoo! Wally breathes a sigh of relief, heaving his shoulders under his labcoat. He wipes his hand across his brow, picking up a few beads of imaginary sweat to toss away. At last! ... Wait. She's turned around and there's a spaceship hanging overhead. Wasn't there something he needs to do?
Oh yeah!
Wally runs off, the tail of his lab-coat waving behind him.
..then he swiftly returns, stopping at the hot-dog vendor to order one more hot dog. One, please! he mouths with a finger in the air.
..then he runs off again!
Swoosh!
Down the street and into an alleyway, Wally holds his hot dog with one hand while dispensing his speedster costume out of his ring with the other. There's a lot of whirly, cloud-creating changey-outfitty-aroundy going on. If you just blinked, you'll mi-- aw man! You blinked! Do you know how much that shot cost us, per microsecond?! Great job, dingus!
The Flash appears on scarlet-tinged wind and yellow-colored lightning. There is also a bit of mustard on the side of his mouth. It's yellow mustard, so it won't clash with his outfit or anything. He comes to a halt, his feet creating such a screeching noise that is still completely drowned out by the roar of the space dreadnought's thrusters. At least there's some smoke rising up from his bootheels or else that would've been a rather boring appearance by the /Fastest Man Alive/.
These events are just so AMAZINGLY SPECTACULAR, nobody knows quite where to run. Many of them have actually stopped fleeing from the fifty-foot Giganta to stare slack-jawed at the hovering alien spaceship. Alien spaceships are nothing new of course. There was those guys with the weird looking organic thingies that brought the world-famous Justice League together in the first place. There were the Thanagarian spaceships, lean and sleek and extremely birdlike, inspiring feelings of 'okay, we get it already, birds and stuff'. However the spaceship above Central City is just so... 'Hollywood'... that even those who are terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought instinctively gaze upon the massive space-age metal superstructure with childlike amazement and an urge for popcorn.
Giganta, however, is having none of it. "This... this..." Her fists clench and unclench manically as her lower lip trembles, her thunder having been stolen by this somehow even-more-amazing-than-her thing that has the misfortune to be happening at right this moment. But then even she gives in. "This is SO COOL..." she blurts, hands clasping together under her chin as she goes starry-eyed.
And then... AND THEN! A brilliant, blazing light appears in the center of the craft, arcing down to Earth in a blaze of crackling electricity, nearby bystanders and Giganta as well holding up and arm against the blazing luminescence! Bolts of lightning snap off and ground into parked cars, setting off car alarms. The hot dog cart is unceremoniously knocked over with a *CRASH*!
And then, out of the blazing light strides - a MAN! And not just any man. A Herculean Adonis with bulging muscles, blazing red hair tied into a long pigtail that is still somehow manly, with a mighty purple costume with yellow trim and lots of rectangles bordered in yellow cut in the chest to show off RIPPLING MANLY PECS! With BLAZING BLUE EYES he regards the Central City citizenry, then curls up his arms to show off his SHREDDED BICEPS!
"IGNORANT PEASANTS, FEAST YOUR EYES! I AM ULTRAA, LORD HIGH MAXIMEC OF ALMERAC!" he booms, in a deep basso profundo designed to shake the Earth and shred the skirts of nubile young ladies! Keeping one arm curled, he drops to one knee, facing to the side as he extends a massive arm to the sky. "DESTROYER OF WORLDS! DEFILER OF WOMEN! SCOURGE OF THE SIX DOZEN GALAXIES AND CONQUEROR OF ALL HE SURVEYS!" He curls his arms downward, gritting his brilliant white teeth, doing that thing where he makes his pectorals jump up and down. "LOOK UPON ME YE MIGHTY AND DESPAIR! OR DROP YOUR SKIRTS AND FAINT WITH HAPPINESS, DEPENDING UPON THY GENDER!"
"What in the...!" the Flash looks on in surprise as Ultraa makes his appearance. "Did.. did I just.." he starts asking himself, sounding confused. He whips his head around, turning in a circle in order to look around him. "..What year is this? Did I just run into the 80s? No.. wait.." he squints, jutting his head forward to get a closer look at Ultraa's sweet space-do. "That's a ponytail! Is this the 90s!?"
Then Ultraa starts talking. Aw, man! It's another one of those Almeracians!
The Flash frowns for a moment -- why can't his encounters with space be less Hercules and more Aphrodite? Then he starts waving his hands in the air to catch Ultraa's attention. He moves so fast that his limbs are a crimson blur, "Hey, hey!" he calls out. "If you're looking for Maxima, I got bad news dude! She's shacking up with Black Adam now! Sorry! Uh.. look, breaking up is hard to do. Maybe you can stop messing up my city and I'll buy you a beer. You can have a good cry and then go back into space.. or something."
Giganta oohs, clutching her blushing red cheeks at Ultraa's performance, apparently falling for it hook, line and rippling sternocleidomastoid. Whipping out a handy giant-sized compact, she does a few quick touch-ups while Flash attempts to console the mighty conqueror of whatchamacallit.
"You know Maxima?" says Ultraa, temporarily caught off-guard, before he recovers his massive composure. "AND YOU DARE ADDRESS THE EMPEROR OF THE UNIVERSE IN SUCH A FAMILIAR FASHION, SKINNY RED PERSON?!" roars Ultraa, stomping up to Flash and towering over him imperiously. Then he bursts out laughing. "HA HA HA HA! You've got moxie, my fine red fellow, I like you! And the truth is..." His fist clenches, as he turns away from Flash. "Ultraa's tale, is a tale of woe. OF UNREQUITED LOVE! The worst kind! Except for, you know, unnatural love like the kind mighty Ultraa doesn't keep on his mighty hard drive. BUT I DIGRESS!" Ultraa turns in yet another direction and clenches fists the size of pineapples. "Mighty Ultraa was betrothed to the beautiful and terrible Maxima since birth! Each of us, the very PINNACLE of BEAUTY and STRENGTH!"
At this point, a group of aliens carrying strange devices start filing out of the still-shimmering white light beam from the alien ship. They take up positions, a conductor taps a baton against a portable stand, and then they all start playing music, a sad song of longing to echo the great warrior's words of woe!
"But Maxima REFUSED the hand of the mighty ULTRAA! Can you IMAGINE?!" Hands clench as Ultraa's face turns to the sky, a single tear falling from his cheek. "That the only woman in the universe who could resist my -IMPOSSIBLE PHYSIQUE- was the very girl who was to be mighty Ultraa's mighty ARM CANDY! She demanded that I fulfill the ancient Almeracian tradition of besting her in combat! She.... she demanded that ME!" A mighty hand slaps his mighty chest, as Ultraa falls to his mighty knees. "MIGHTY ULTRAA!" Fists slam to the ground in protest against the cosmic injustice. "Fight a -GIRL-! Oh, it was so embarrassing."
Uh oh.
The Flash stares -up- at Ultraa, the eyeslits of his cowl great big opaque white ovals as he listens to the mighty man's melancholy m-- damn it, story. "Oh man! Tell me about it! I know all about unrequited love. Let me tell you, there's like a whole -host- of fantastic ladies with whom I work with but I just can't seem to get my foot in the door on that."
Then Ultraa is on his knees. Aw.
"Aw, hey dude.." the Flash pats the awesome Ultra on his super-broad space-shoulder. "Times have changed. Girls aren't just fun to be with, but they can also be our equals in everything from the workplace to sports and even politics. In fact, you may find that fighting a girl is not such a terrible thing after all and you might find it pretty challenging -and- enjoyable."
Sailor Flash says!
Er, wait.
Giganta narrows one eye. Hey, she thinks. Waitamminit. What's wrong with fighting a GIRL?
The mighty Ultraa takes the Flash's patting hand in both of his, giving a big ol' mighty man-squeeze. *crush* "You are truly a man of your world, wise masked red person, like Ultraa is a man of the universe! I see getting to dress like a bright red prophylactic must surely be a sign of MIGHTY HONOR on this planet!"
On the other hand, Giganta thinks, holding up one palm thoughtfully and tilting her head, he is kinda cute. I wouldn't have to bend over to kiss him.
"Women? In POLITICS? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Mightily overwhelmed with mirth, the mighty Ultraa doubles over with gales of deep laughter, slapping Flash on the back while lifting a banana-sized finger to wipe a tear from one piercing blue eye. "You are witty as well as wise, skinny provincial of this backwater planet! Imagine, a WOMAN ruling over MEN as MIGHTY AS I! Surely such frivolity is fit only for reality holovision shows and ineractive simulations in the Pornographotron(tm)!"
Giganta frowns, tapping her teeth with a pinky. "Maybe if he kept his mouth shut," she murmurs.
"Challenging... and enjoyable?" continues Ultraa, furrowing his mighty manly brow. "Not silly and idiotically one-sided? But what of Ultraa's mighty manly HONOR?! The other intergalactic conquerors will be BESIDE themselves with their not-quite-as-mighty-as-Ultraa-sized HOWLS of GALACTIC DERISION!" He shakes his head. "Why can they not simply drop their undergarments as they're overcome with mindless animal lust, the way nature intended?"
Giganta grrs, clenching her fists.
The Flash winces as his hand is squeezed like a roma tomato. Once he's able to pull his scarlet-clad digits out of Ultraa's burly mits, he gives it a quick shake and suppresses a whimper. "Oww.. well.. dressing this way -is- kind of a big deal.."
Then comes the slap "Whaaghk!" Flash urks, falling forward. It's like getting punched by a side of beef, this guy! "I.. I don't know..!" he replies as he tries to rub the spot between his shoulders. It stings so bad! Like getting sunburned and then having some guy smack you for getting sunburned! Waagh! "It works better if you're nice to them. Maybe take them out for some dinner and some miniature golfing, first. They like being treated with respect. Mostly."
Giganta is about ready to give this creep a piece of her mind. Enough is enough! Lex Luthor /always/ treats her like a professional, and even Grodd respected her as much as any of her male teammates, which truth be told wasn't a whole lot. At any rate, Giganta shrinks down to normal size again and marches up to Ultraa, finger poised to give him a good TAP-TAP-TAP on the shoulder!
"HMMPH!" says the mighty Ultraa as he lets out a mighty grunt. "NICE to them? Miniature golfing? Treating with RESPECT? By the SKIES of my MAGNIFICENT HOME PLANET, that just sounds like so much EFFORT! Is THAT what the mighty Ultraa will have to do to win his mighty bride from whatever savage Earth-ape she's gone and shacked up with? FEH!"
Some of the citizens of Central City, by this point, have gone back to texting or walking to work or whatever, being as the novelty has worn off or they have real lives to get back to. Others have stuck around, either finding this piece of superhero street theater mildly interesting or they sympathize with Central City's Scarlet Speedster as he tries to dispense romantic advice to this dense alien visitor. "The MIGHTY ULTRAA has come to a mighty decision!" he declares, fist over his chest, finger in the air. "Let all you evolutionary inferiors take notice! I, ULTRAA the INVINCIBLE, Lord High Maximec of Almerac, do hereby cut loose his former betrothed, the stuck-up Maxima! Mighty Ultraa wishes her well and hopes she starts popping out mutant half-alien freaks of nature as soon as possible! Farewell, Maxima!
"However, since some mud-dwelling Earth creature has taken my betrothed from me, so shall I, MIGHTY ULTRAA, take an Earth bride in trade! So does Ultraa display his MAGNIFICENT MAGNANIMOUSNESS!"
Ultraa's musicians play to a thundering crescendo! As Giganta, of course at that moment, reaches forward to TAP-TAP-TAP Ultraa on the shoulder. "Hey you!" she says. "I don't like your attitude about women! You should like ... shut up! Or something."
The Flash is caught trying to cut into Ultraa's pontifications. "Well, w-wait! Miniature golfing is pretty fun and--" Oh bother, it doesn't seem to do much! He just sort of makes a face as he is forced to bare witness to this cosmic proclamation. Sigh. The boys in the lab are going to give him hell for taking yet another 'long lunch-break.'
Then Giganta shows up. She might just be the perfect match for Ultraa's hopes for Close Encounters of the Matrimonial Kind.. except, you know, he's managed to anger her before they had a chance to meet. "Oh hi Giganta.." the Flash waves lightly from the other side of Ultraa. He's looking more than a little dwarfed between these two, yikes.
"See..?" Flash asks Ultraa as he points to Giganta. "This is Giganta and even though she's kind of totally villainous, she's also very cute and probably a nice person outside of the whole super-criminal thing. She's totally worth your respect and decency."
Impossibility of Impossibilities! Ghastliness of ghastlies! A highly improbable, unbelievable occurrence! Someone has actually tapped the Imperial person upon the imperial shoulder and told him to shut up! But as Ultraa turns around to berate or beat on such a person with mighty indignance, he beholds - six and then some feet tall - redhead - scanty clad - blue eyes - and that angry little pout. Well, proportionately little. "Great - galactic - googely-moogely," declares Ultraa, getting himself an eyeful.
Giganta, for her part, has completely forgotten about whatever she was annoyed about, and stares at Flash, wide-eyed. What he just said about her. 'Nice'. 'Cute'. 'Respect'. 'Decency'. But these pale in comparison to the real compliment he just paid her. "You really think I'm," she mumbles, tips of her cheeks suddenly turning a little pink. "You really think I'm...." A size-14 foot twists a little back and forth. "... You really think I'm /villainous/?"
"PEOPLE OF DIRT, I MEAN EARTH!" declares Ultraa, raising a fist and turning to address the crowd. "I, MIGHTY AND MAGNIFICENT ULTRAA, AM IMPERIALLY PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT MIGHTY ULTRAA HAS FOUND HIMSELF A COMMENSURATELY MIGHTY BRIDE TO SHARE MY MIGHTINESS!"
Giganta clasps her hands together shyly and shuffles her feet at Flash. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," she murmurs with a giggle. Her eyes widen and she leans forward. "You think... you and I could..."
"BEHOLD!" continues Ultraa. "THE MIGHTY AND BEAUTIFUL GIGANTIMA! GIGAXIMA! Er, GINORMIXA! Oh, whatever your name is. ALRIGHT BOYS! BAG 'ER AND TAG 'ER!"
Giganta blinks, once again momentarily distracted. "What did you-* UWAAAAAAAAH!" Without warning, save for Ultraa and his super-loud declarations, another blazing white light beams down from the spaceship to envelop Giganta, lifting her off the ground and into the air, causing her to yelp in a startedly ladylike fashion! "WHAT THE ^*!@#$#&%$!!!"
The Flash bobs his head in knowing agreement with Ultraa's sudden appreciation of Giganta. "Brother, you ain't lyin'!" he says with a widening of his eyes. "She's not just fine. She's /super/fine."
Space diplomacy was never so easy!
"Wh-- I, uh.." the Fastest Man Alive gulps as Giganta starts paying him some attention. "Well.. s-sure?" he says with a lift of his shoulders. "Aren't you a card-carrying member of the Legion of Doom? Boy, if that doesn't say platinum-level villainy.. and your moment over by the hot-dog cart was very terrifying. I had goosebumps!" For entirely different reasons, yamma-hamma!
"Could..?" Flash echoes her last word, trying to get the rest of her question but that fiend Ultraa steps in. "..Wh-whoah..!" he stares in amazement as Giganta is lifted off the ground. Less for how incredible levitating anyone is and more because Giganta must weigh like a gigan-ton or something. Space technology is amazing!
"Hey!!" the Flash yelps as he looks from Giganta to Ultraa and back in rapid-fire succession. "Stop! You can't do that! That's.. kid.. er... Gigantanapping! And you haven't even asked her out on a date yet, buddy! Stop, in the name of the Earth!"
Were you expecting the moon?
Giganta is no less surprised than anyone else as she starts levitating into the air - upside down, no less - through the terrible and wonderful magic of Super Science! "I'm... I'm being abducted by aliens!" she wails, waving her arms up and down. "It's just like in the tabloids!"
"Oh no," half-heartedly says one Central City bystander, wanting to be part of the moment. "Someone save the super-villain."
"HA HA HA HA HA," chortles the Mighty Ultraa, hands on his hips and head thrown back for a mighty belly laugh. "You are right indeed, my little crimson buddy! She is indeed super-fine, and a SUPER-FINE MATE FOR MIGHTY ULTRAA! She's WAY taller than Maxima! I mean WAIT! WHO'S MAXIMA? MIGHTY ULTRAA'S PERFECT RECALL CANNOT RECALL SOMEONE SO LESS-THAN-PERFECT! HA HA HA HA!"
However, mighty Ultraa frowns at the Flash's protestations. His mighty brow furrows. His enormous hand scratches his gigantic head. "You've lost me," he admits. "Cannot the mighty Ultraa do all those idiotic things like 'miniature glof' and bringing her lots of food to stuff her face with back on Almerac? MIGHTY ULTRAA HAS EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE BUT TIME! We've got to start our marathon sessions of copulation to produce an army of royal heirs that mighty Ultraa might win back my mighty domain from the... the VILE... SLIMY... DIS-GUS-TING... forces of..." He makes a face, upper lip curling. "... De-MO-cracy..."
Ultraa's musicians play some very downbeat music indeed.
"..Eeeugh.." the Flash sours visibly at the very image of Ultraa doing the horizontal mambo with -anyone-. It's the ponytail. Every man he's met with a ponytail has been some kind of horrible Adrian Paul-wannabe. All he needs is a trenchcoat and an impossibly concealed katana sword.
He shudders, protruding his tongue out as his fingers go rigid. "Bleaaahh.." the Flash shakes his head, as if he could get the 'taste' out of his mouth. "Listen, Ultrom! Or.. Ultron!... Whatever! You can't just take a citizen of the Earth off the planet without their consent! You can wine and dine her all you like -after- you ask for her permission to do all those things! Now put her back on the ground and ask her."
Giganta tries to swim back down the tractor beam but can't quite manage. She's flying up above the roofs of Central City, the ground falling away beneath her, higher and higher! What's an innocent girl to do! .... Wait a minute.
"The mighty ULTRAA has it up to his MIGHTY CHIN with this planet and its STUPID RULES!" declares the mighty Ultraa, clenching his extremely large fists and glaring at Flash. "And you'd better believe that mighty Ultraa has a MIGHTY CHIN INDEED! Now then, if you dare to face the mighty Ultraa in combat for the lovely and full-figured Maximagenta, then HAVE AT YOU!" And with a roar of challenge, Ultraa sends his basketball sized fist sizzling at Flash's head with Ultra-Speed! WHOOOSH!
"Whoa whoa whoa-- waaaaaaaaait--!" the Flash tries to stop Ultraa with words than actions. Only he doesn't seem to be interested in words because there is a meaty basketball-sized fist making inroads for his face.
"Whhhuhhhhhhooooooooaaaaaa----"
Everything slows down to a snail's pace.
The Flash begins moving at the last possible second, leading with his shoulder to swerve himself away from Ultraa's knuckle-sandwich. He comes to a stop beside the Almeracian's outstretched arm, eyes wide at that bulging bicep. "Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooly maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackeeeereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel.." he utters in slow-mo.
Then everything goes back to normal.
"Heeeeeeey, buddy.." Flash looks up to Ultraa. "We don't need to fight. Look. All you have to do is set Giganta back down on the ground and ask her if she'd like to go hang out with you in your space Trans-Am. Um.. please?"
Despite the mighty Ultraa's magnificent fist moving with Ultra-Speed, it fails to connect with the puny little red fellow who talks a lot! How can this be? "I.... the mighty Ultraa MISSED! Truly his opponent is so SCRAWNY and SKINNY that the mighty Ultraa's mighty aim is no match for his diminutivity!" He spins on Flash, arms outstretched, ready to really bring the pounding and the hurting to bear to the sniveling little Earth-chimp that dares talk sass to the Emperor of the Universe!
And then... Ultraa frowns. Fists clenching and unclenching. "I... that is, MIGHTY ULTRAA CANNOT DO THAT!" he declares, waving a hand. "Wh... what if... what if she says no?" He sniffs. Enormous head lowering fractionally.
THOK!
The Flash catches Ultraa's knuckles on the flipside instead. "Whumpf..!" The spinning momentum he utilizes does well to off-balance the Fastest Man Alive and send him sprawling to the ground...
...several feet away.
He skids against the pavement, coming to a stop against a nearby fruit cart. "Auugh.." Flash groans, rubbing his face. "..you sure clocked me, owww..." He pinches the bridge of his nose, giving it a little wiggle as he sniffles, "-Hhhnfh-. Man, I think everything is going to taste like styrofoam for a few days. Jeez.."
"Well.. oof.." the Flash answers as he starts to get up to his feet. "..that's like, the worst she can do, really. If one girl says no, you can always just move on to the next one. It's a big galaxy out there, after all!"
The mighty Ultraa, in the midst of his mighty moment of vulnerability, looks up - to find the Flash careening down the street, only coming to a stop through the fortuitous placement of a local fruit vendor. "Mighty Ultraa's mighty hand laid down his glorious violence after all!" He looks pleased with himself. "HA HA HA HA! I guess you're not so skinny you couldn't be hit after all, Earth-monkey!"
And then, there's a moment of reflection. One beefy hand comes to rest against his chin as Ultraa goes deep into thought, or what passes for it in his mighty head. "But what you lack in mightiness, again, you make up for in wisdom, Earth-friend," Ultraa declares. "If one girl says no - move onto the next! Of course!" His bowling-ball sized hand impacts his dinner plate sized palm. "Women are COMPLETELY INTERCHANGEABLE! They're good for only one thing - getting naked and siring heirs! One woman is exactly is as good as the next one! If one says no, there'll be an even better one who'll say yes, just down mighty Ultraa's mighty road!" His arms open wide. "That's IT! Why even stop with ONE wife? Mighty Ultraa's almost-as-mighty ancestors had to make do with one wife for their entire lives! Mighty Ultraa should have a SHIPLOAD of wives! The way these women compete against each other, they will FIGHT for the affections of mighty Ultraa! With pillows! And in scanty clothing!"
Tears falling from his mighty eyes, Ultraa falls to his knees, arms outstretched at the heavens. "Mighty Ultraa has seen the bright and glorious light of truth! Thanks to his scrawny but mightily smart Earth-friend, the Red Guy, who knows all of the secret ways of women!"
The Flash blinks underneath his cowl. "Man," he remarks to himself. "..This guy is like me five years ago, only -way- jerkier." He rubs the side of his head as he starts to make his way back to Ultraa. "Well, that really does sound amazing." It does, much to Gloria Steinem's chagrin. "So does that mean you'll let Giganta go?"
Giganta meanwhile decided that enough was enough, and she started growing. And growing. And growing. By the time she reached 100 feet tall, she was so tall, so huge and so massive that the spaceship above was starting to throw off small explosions, electric sparks and metal pieces as the ship's systems began to buckle under the strain. At 150 feet tall, their mighty space-engined backfired completely, the tractor beam flickering off and the ship beginning to tilt sideways. It would have crashed into the Earth had not Giganta grabbed it in two hands and started shaking it up and down. "Manhandle ME, will ya?"
Meanwhile, Ultraa gets to his feet, wiping manly tears from his blazing ice blue eyes. "Of course, my mighty new Earth-friend! Though first I will tempt her will my glorious riches, sculpted physique and oiled manly muscles, but if she refuses, then no problem! The mighty Ultraa will move onto her hotter friends and totally drive them around in mighty Ultraa's glorious ghetto sled, right up in the sky here..."
Ultraa looks up, pointing - just in time to see the forward bridge area of his Almeracian battle-cruiser beating down right on top of him. "Uh," he manages to mightily grunt before it crashes down on top of his head, as Giganta, with both hands, basically hits him with it. *CRASH*
"Tractor ME, huh?" Giganta shouts, pulling the spaceship back up again, to reveal a dazed Ultraa implanted into the crater that used to be part of the street. "Well tractor beam THIS, you sexist GOON!" *CRASH* *CRASH* *CRASH*
"Hhh.. ooh!" Flash winces after the first crash. He tries to tear himself away with each successive crush Giganta lays down on Ultraa, but like a horrific car accident, he just cannot. "Ooh!" he gasps, "Aaah! Eeee! Owww!" he continues on in sympathetic pain. "Goooooooooooool-ly... I think he's down for the count, Gigi! Maybe.. you should stop now?" he asks this question because, you know, you can't really make demands of a 100-foot tall mega-hottie.
Giganta keeps beating Ultraa with his own spaceship until the ship's wreckage falls apart in her hands, leaving nothing but a big pile of spaceship parts, a dazed Ultraa at the bottom, intermittently scattered with alien crewmembers and musicians, their musical instruments stuttering to silence as strings break and air-horns are mangled beyond recognition. "W-wow," grunts Ultraa, little Maximas and Gigantas dancing around his head in semi-conscious hallucination. "She's f-f-feisty..."
Only then does Giganta return to regular size, crossing her arms and hmmmph'ing at Ultraa's beaten and defeated form. "I hope you've learned your lesson, Ultra-twerp! Next time pick on someone your own size. It's much safer." She turns up her nose at Ultraa and toward the Flash, shrugging her shoulders. "Maybe that was a teensy bit too much, but ... he put a tractor beam on me!" She points a finger. "Have you ever had a tractor beam put on YOU? It's no fun. You got a problem, you, ah, Justice.... Loser?" Ha! She thinks. Witty.
Distantly, the sound of sirens can be heard, as the police, hearing eyewitness reports that things are now relatively safe, speed to the scene for damage control.
"She sure is.." Flash whistles in agreement.
Then Giganta's attention is on him. "Er.." Flash sort of just shrugs. "No! I'm.. kind of in agreement with you on this one, Gigi. I think you definitely got your point across. I'm glad you're okay, too. Hey, uh.." he glances over his crimson-clad shoulder, having caught the sound of sirens. "I can, uh, vouch for you with the fuzz if you want. It isn't like you were doing anything wrong here."
Giganta hears the sirens and frowns, thinking it's time the getting was good. But then her attention is on Flash as he declares his willingness to vouch for her. "You'd do that... for me?" she mumbles, before her eyes turn away and she shakes her head. "No, uh, I've still got about a zillion outstanding warrants for other stuff. And I kicked over a car. Um."
She turns from side to side a little, awkwardly, before taking off down the street. "Thanks though. Um. See you later. I'll try not to step on you next time, we uh... you know." With a low *whoom* of displaced air, she grows once again into immense size, taking off to the east over buildings, making a quick getaway.
"Oh! Uh, thanks! I'd appreciate it!" Flash waves to Giganta. Hey, not being stepped on is a great way to avoid disaster. Then, as she makes her colossal getaway, he just happens to glance aside at the park bench where she left her free swag. "Oh, HEY...!" he calls out after her. "YOU FORGOT YOUR ST--- aw, she's gone."
"Uh.." a bystander speaks up. "Couldn't you, just, like, run after her? You are the Fastest Man Alive, right?"
The Flash looks slightly clueless. "Uhh...ooooooooooooooooh yeaaaaah. Well. Who knows where she's gotten off to now. She might be in Albequerque already."
Beneath his mountain of spaceship rubble, the mighty Ultraa leans a cheek on his hand, watching the scene unfold and waxing philosophically. "Truly, she would have made a formidable queen," he says.
Meanwhile, police cars, SWAT teams and DEO vans arrive and start interviewing bystanders. One agent whistles appreciatively at the massive pile of spaceship parts, several stories high. "Wow," he says. "Imagine the pile of paperwork THIS is gonna take. I dunno whether to call the X-Files or the City Dump!"
Meanwhile, a TV news crew emerges from a van and gets into position, a pretty Asian reporter surreptitiously making eyes at the Flash as she clears her throat and does sound checks. "This is Linda Park," she begins, reporting live from the scene of a truly close encounter of the violent kind. Details are sketchy, but Central City's greatest hero, The Flash, was here to handle the situation and prevent any loss of life. Flash, do you have a few words?" Breathlessly she runs up to Flash, her eyes shining, as she leans the microphone toward him....
But before she can, there's a loud *WHOOM*, and a *CRASH* as a SWAT van flies out of the sky and pancakes into the news truck. People start yelling and running in every direction! "Little help for mighty Ultraa, here?" Ultraa calls out, waving his arms fruitlessly. The little newscaster squeals and tries to grab Flash's arm, but then Giganta runs out from behind the crashed trucks, shoves the lady reporter aside, and grabs both sides of Flash's face!
"Forgot my stuff," she says with a shy smile, before leaning forward to plant a massive *LIPLOCK* right on Flash's face. *MMMMWA*
"..mmmmpppphhhh!!" is all the Flash can get out with Giganta's lips wrapped around him. It's so surprising that his mental faculties lag behind, leaving him completely vulnerable. When Giganta lets go, the Fastest Man Alive's cheeks are flushed with the same color as his heroic body-suit and her lipstick is smeared over his own lips. "..I... woooh.." he says with a finger raised in the air, dazed and wobbly on his feet.
"--Wotta woman...!" the Flash lets out a gulp before everything goes woogly for him and he falls to the ground.
Giganta giggles, chaos all around her, as she pinky-waves her pinky finger up and down at Flash. "If I'm not doing anything wrong," she says with a wink, "it's just not as fun." Blowing a kiss at Flash, she turns again, scooping her clothes and her swag-bags, making sure to step on Ultraa's head as she runs off - "owww, Mighty Ultraa's mighty head!" - growing to super-size again and stomping over police cars as she makes her super-sized getaway - with a quick reach over for her neat-looking hat, at the top of a nearby building ledge. At which point she turns a corner past a nearby skyscraper, and disappears. FOR NOW...!
